Gratitude

I recently learned something very interesting. Yes, it does have to do with gratitude, but there is a twist...
In my Advanced Family Processes class we learn about interesting topics that you wouldn't think fit into a discussion of family processes. For example, gratitude is one topic that we thoroughly studied and discussed in class. Most of the topics my professor has chosen to discuss are basic principles (sacrifice, forgiveness, gratitude, etc.) that are actually the foundation for all other behaviors and family processes.

Anyway, back to my point: gratitude is an essential component of a successful marriage.

I have read a few studies on gratitude (yes, researchers really do study behaviors of gratitude) and during that time I have realized how much it affects my own marriage. These are a few points brought up in multiple studies that also relate to my own life.

• A spouse that feels appreciated is more likely to engage in relationship maintenance behaviors (more commitment, more patience, and more willing to sacrifice)
• A spouse that shows appreciation is more likely to feel that their spouse is contributing to the relationship, and is more likely to see the positive traits in their spouse and marriage.
• When you are grateful you are essentially looking for the positive, which makes you a happier person. Studies show that grateful people are happier, have less depression (duh), and live longer than ungrateful people.
• Entitlement is the opposite of gratitude. When entitlement is present in marriage bad things start to happen; when you feel entitled you set expectations that may never be met. If you get married expecting that your husband will do half the housework you will never be truly grateful when he pitches in and does the dishes a couple times a week. Instead, you will be constantly thinking about all the other times that he should be doing the dishes.

I have found gratefulness to be extremely helpful. When I start to feel entitled, I start to lose sight of all the things to be grateful for. Maintaining a spirit of gratitude is so important for your marriage. However, it is important to recognize that gratitude isn't about changing your spouse (i.e. If I express appreciation maybe he will do more dishes...), it is about changing your perspective.

Having a spirit of gratitude is about shifting your view of what is lacking to what you have in abundance.

Sometimes when I'm feeling ungrateful and entitled, I say a silent prayer of gratitude for my husband and think about all the wonderful attributes he has.

I would like to challenge you to truly think about the role of gratitude in your marriage, and then try to apply it all year long. As a Family Life student, I can promise you that gratitude is one of those special attributes that can do wonders for your relationship with your spouse and Heavenly Father.

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