Waiting For The Wedding: Our Story

As a result of an article being circulated around Twitter and Facebook, I have decided to write this very personal blog post about my reasons for waiting to have sexual relations before marriage. Yes, I did use the word "sexual." And I will most probably use it again, so if you are offended you should probably stop reading now.
I felt that the author of this article was degrading in his execution of the article, and it seemed more of a rant than anything else. As my friend pointed out, he missed the mark and ended up offending people more than achieving his purpose, which was to share his story of saving himself for marriage.
Although his intentions may have been admiral, I feel that there was much lacking and I would like to add my voice in the case for premarital abstinence and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
Before I start, I would like to make two very important points:
  1. This is my story, my opinions, my marriage. By saying that I feel I have a stronger, healthier marriage because of waiting I'm not saying that your marriage is weaker because you didn't. I think too often people do not share their feelings in fear of someone choosing to be offended. Just because I have an opinion that differs from yours does not mean that I am right or wrong, it just means it's different.
  2. I am LDS. Latter-day Saints (Mormons) are well known for waiting until marriage to have any sexual relations with a person of the opposite sex. That being said, not all Mormons are chaste and not all chaste are Mormons. However, unlike popular belief, we do have sex drives just like everyone else. FYI.

I always knew that I was going to wait until marriage to have sex. I was never forced to think this way, I was simply taught correct principles and left to govern myself (along with guidance if I asked for it) . I simply knew that I wanted to save myself for marriage and that's what I did. I was never ashamed that I wasn't involved in sexual activities during high school and college, and I certainly don't regret it. I did not abstain from sex because it was a bad thing; I abstained because I felt it was such a good thing that it couldn't be wasted on anyone that wouldn't completely commit themselves to me. In my opinion, sex is the the most powerful expression of love. I did not love any high school (or college) boyfriends enough to give them the most intimate parts of my body, heart, or soul. 

Now that I look back on my teenage years I realize that had I made the choice to "hook up" with boys I would have to do one of two things:
  1. Retain the emotional side of sex and run the risk of heartache and woe.
  2. Remove myself emotionally and view sex more as a "recreational activity."
I'm so glad that I did not have to suffer through heartache and I am also glad that I retained the deep emotional aspect of sexuality that makes my marriage so bonding. 

My other belief is that marriage and sex should not be separated. They are connected in a way that creates an even stronger bond between husband and wife. Had I given my self sexually to other men, I would not think of sex as something exclusive to my marriage. It just wouldn't be the same to me. I feel that the fidelity in our marriage is safeguarded by the fact that if we were strong enough to resist having sex with each other before marriage it is likely that we have that same willpower and devotion to stay faithful after marriage.

Once again, I am speaking in the context of my own premarital marital experiences. I am not trying to apply my opinions/beliefs to all relationships, I would just like to express my feelings about remaining abstinent before marriage in hopes that it will help those who have made--or will make-- this important decision, especially my younger siblings and cousins whom I love very much.


  1. Extremely insightful. You should look to expanding your ideas. What you've got is really good and I hope a lot of people get the opportunity to read what you've written. Two thumbs up. :)

    1. Thank you! I was trying to find a post length that wasn't too long, yet gave enough information to get my point across. Thank you for your feedback :)

  2. Right on! I want to forward this to all the young women in my ward. =) You set such a good example for your siblings and family. I know they all look up to you.
    There is also another important reason to abstain before marriage. BABIES! I don't care if you practice "safe" sex. NO birth control is 100% effective. You shouldn't have sex until you are ready to be a parent and I believe that our loving Heavenly Father wants his children to be born into homes with loving, married parents. As a mom of 4 now, I can say that everything I was taught growing up makes more sense as I get older and raise my own kids. Sometimes you just have to do what you know is right and you'll figure out why later. I know so many people who got pregnant on birth control, but it wasn't a dilemma because they were married already. They didn't "have" to get married. They didn't have to decide if they were going to keep the baby or not. They didn't have to worry and stress about how their life was going to change. They just adjusted their plans a bit. =) Good for you for writing this blog post. I know it took guts.

    1. How could I forget that one?! You should share it with your young women! I tried to write it in a way that would appeal to the interests of the youth, and I really hope that it can get to them. When I was young I didn't fully comprehend the importance chastity would have in my future marriage, I couldn't comprehend it because I had never been there! But I'm hoping that by reading my perspective they will have a better view of the future and how the choices they make now will either positively or negatively affect them later. Thanks Alicia!

  3. I know, right!? I had no idea the impact it would have on my marriage either. Babies didn't scare me either because I loved babies and I thought I'd be such a great mom. Turns out there is a reason it takes two to make a baby. It takes two people to take care of a baby. And, turns out, I didn't know as much about being a mom as I thought I did.
    I have a friend whose husband accidentally made a baby before he was married. He repented, and married my friend in the temple. So, they all live happily ever after, right? Wrong. It's hard on their marriage having to deal with the mother of his child, discipline, child support, etc. You just don't think about things like that in high school.

  4. Just catching up on your blog and I love all the things you post. And I love looking at pics of your gorgeous face! Wish I was still in yw so I could share with the girls, but now I'm in scouts with 9 year old boys!