10.18.2012

The Institution of Marriage


I recently read an article about polygamy (here is a shortened version) and I found it extremely interesting. They not only interviewed a man with 3 "wives," they interviewed a man who lives with his married girlfriend and her husband. The man living with his married girlfriend expressed his frustration at not being able to be married to her as well. All 3 individuals (man-woman-man) wanted to be married as a group, and be able to add spouses when desired.

Both interviewees are huge proponents of gay marriage because it is a step towards being able obtain the kind of marriage that they desire. They believe that once gay marriage is legalized that same law will also legalize other types of marriages, or it will at least lay the foundation for future laws.

I read another article about a daughter and father who were separated (read here) for 30 years and then found each and fell in love. They became pregnant and wished to be married. Under U.S. (and Australian) laws marriage between parent and child is illegal, however, if the laws regulating the institution of marriage are changed, relatives of any distance would receive the right to be married.

My religion, The Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, does not condone polygamy or homosexual relations. However, both my religion and I believe that each person is a beloved child of God. I personally believe that homosexuals deserve to love anyone they choose and to treated with respect and love. I genuinely want them to be happy and to be loved by another person.

That being said, I am not a proponent of gay marriage.

As I said before, it's not because I don't believe they deserve the rights that heterosexuals enjoy, and I can assure you I am not a strict conservative that berates others for their choices and opinions.
My reason for opposing gay marriage is that the more we dissolve the structure and boundaries of marriage, the less recognizable and significant it will become in society.

Tax and insurances benefits would eventually become unavailable. With 5 people being married to one another, who would claim each other as a dependent? Who would be responsible for each other?
With the boundaries within the institution of marriage becoming so open, and with divorce so easy to obtain, would the title of marriage and spouse lose its significance?



These are questions that are frequently asked in my Family Life classes. We genuinely want to know what the consequences will be of dissolving the boundaries of marriage. How would it affect society? How would it affect our healthcare, life insurance, and taxes? These questions are not based on personal opinions or religion, they are based on the overall well-being of our society.

We need to realize that if we support one type of non-traditional marriage, we will need to support all types of non-traditional marriage. If we believe that one person has the right be married to someone they love, then we can't stop there. We cannot deny that right to 4 men and 5 women if they want to be married as a group, or a father and daughter who love each other.

What do you think? Will open marriages affect society? Will dissolving the once strict boundaries of marriage be positive or negative for society as a whole?

I would love to hear some of your insights. I don't want this to turn into a hate-fest, but I would really like to hear your reasons and opinions. I think it is important to understand both sides of an issue.

20 comments:

  1. wow. you are amazing and i give you major props for being so bold on such a touchy subject. those are all great and valid reasons for not supporting gay marriage.

    i also heard on a radio program about a guy who is a big proponent of gay marriage because he personally is in love with an animal. he believes that by making the step to allow same-gender marriages is a step toward him being able to express his love for animals. that absolutely blew my mind. is that really the road we would be going down if we allowed gay marriage?? i hope not, but i can't help but think of all the people that have different ideas of who/how to love and what they would expect if gay marriage was accepted. it's scary to think about.

    i don't believe at all in discriminating against gay people. i believe marriage is important and i respect them for fighting to have something i myself value so much, but i don't believe it is what is best for society and there would be too many consequences for it (as you said).

    seriously. thank you for sharing your opinion!!

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    1. Thank you, I am still nervous that this could explode, but then I realize that I shouldn't be afraid to share my opinions.
      My professor mentioned people wanting to get married to their pets, and I thought he was kidding! Thank you so much for enlightening me on the subject, and thank you for sharing your opinion, I really appreciate it :)

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  2. I think you've hit on some very interesting and important points here. I hadn't thought through that far before. Sometimes it is good to extend an argument out to the ridiculous and then backtrack to see where it really starts to falls apart. You've done a great job of that.

    Another point that I'd like to see you consider is that truly the purpose of marriage is to protect the family unit... mostly to the benefit of raising children. Almost all studies that have been done confirm that children are best raised in a family with a mother and father in a loving environment. There are always examples of single parents doing a phenomenal job juggling all responsibilities alone, but the statistics show that mom/dad families are, by far, the best situation to raise a child.

    When you open up marriage to include gay/lesbian couples, then open it wider to include the situations you described, it becomes a social experiment with repercussions too severe to risk on our next generation.

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    1. Couldn't have said it better! Here's another important fact: children with a stepfather (or any non-biological male in the home) is 300x more likely to be sexually abused. What will happen when marriage doesn't work or a child has 2 or 3 non-biological fathers? We really don't know what will happen, and it it's too risky to find out.

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  3. Well, that's just great! Now I don't know what I believe. I consider myself pro gay marriage. I think gays and lesbians should be able to be legally married. But, there is no way somebody should be able to legally marry an animal or their offspring, and having a group marriage doesn't seem right either. I don't know...maybe we should be less scared of what might happen, and focus more on what needs to happen now so people, no matter their sexual identity, can have the same rights and opportunities. Oh, and I feel bad for the 2nd and 3rd wives of multiple-wife families. I think every woman deserves a man of her own. I'm glad I have mine, anyway. =)

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  4. Alicia, I was once pro rights as well. i didn't feel that their ability to marry affected me. However, don't you feel that the polygamists and the father and daughter couple have just as many rights as a homosexual? If we change the law for homosexuals we have to prepare ourselves to change the rule for other people who have rights as well. We can't selectively make exceptions. We must be fair to everyone. We either draw the line now or be content with anyone and everyone having the right to marry who they want.

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  5. Interesting. I didn't realize there were so many other factors involved in the gay rights thing.

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  6. http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/how-gay-rights-is-nothing-like-legalizing-beastali

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    1. Thank you for sharing this link, it gives a great explanation. At least only consenting adults will be allowed to be married.

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    2. yes, so don't worry about what the gays do; it is not going to cause a bestiality/polygamy festival and it is not going to cheapen any existing marriage. gay people will get married. that's it.

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    3. I disagree, but that is just my opinion. It seems that subjects such as this are based on beliefs and opinions, and the most difficult part is that there isn't a right or a wrong opinion; we'll just have to vote based on our beliefs and then make the best of the situation presented to us :)

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  7. I respect the way in which you presented your opinion, but I have to dissent. A human marrying an animal has nothing to do with a human marrying a human. A human marrying a human has nothing to do with a human marrying four humans. Gay marriage is still an institution between two individuals who love each other. The idea of a "traditional marriage" was created and thought up by heterosexuals and the church. Gay marriage would not weaken the institution of marriage because it is a union between two loving individuals. If anything threatens the institution of marriage, it is divorce.

    I think it is disappointing that polygamists and people who would like to marry their dogs use gay marriage in this way. But just because someone who wants to marry their dog says "Gay marriage would help me do this" does not make it true. They're just stating a kind of crazy talking point that they've probably heard those against gay marriage use as an excuse.

    Not allowing homosexual individuals to marry into a partnership puts them in a position of being second class citizens. Making legislation in our country based on religious beliefs is a direct violation of our constitution. That is not an attack on religion, as I firmly believe in allowing people their religion and I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ myself. But I hear many politicians use their religion as the reason behind not wanting gay marriage. However, it is not fair to impose a rule on all based on the beliefs of a few.

    A close friend of mine just came out after years of trying to date men, and finally finding true happiness with a woman. I would never tell her that I don't think she deserves the same rights as me because I'm afraid that her loving union between herself and another means that someday people will go wild and marry their cows. That is ludicrous and unfounded.

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    1. Sabrina, I respect your comment as well. I feel that you have presented you opinion well. Just a few points I would like to address. 1) I did not specifically mention animals in my blog post as I feel the are irrelevant to a discussion about the institution of human marriage. 2) I completely agree with you that divorce threatens the institution of marriage, commitment is the center of marriage. 3) I do believe that church and state should be separate, but I feel that individual people and churches should be able to think and act according to the dictates of their own conscience. You have made some great points that I hadn't considered before, and you sound like a very considerate, intelligent person. I'm sure we could debate for hours and have no success in trying to convince the other person to adopt our beliefs, but I think we can both agree that we have differing views on the structure and purpose of marriage, neither is wrong, just different. Thank you again, I truly appreciate your input.

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    2. Thank you for a thoughtful response. And the points I was bringing up were not all necessarily in response to what you had said in your blog post, but more just my blanket overall reasons why I support gay marriage. Thank you again for being considerate of differing opinions and allowing a discussion.

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    3. You are basically proving that you are aware everything you've said has been proven wrong and still hold firm to the belief that gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry. Just admit it... you think they're icky and should be treated as second-class citizens. You're on the wrong side of history, like I explained in my previous comment that you didn't approve.

      "I feel that individual people and churches should be able to think and act according to the dictates of their own conscience." - Which means gay people can get married if they believe it's OK and you can not do it if you don't believe in it. Pretty simple.

      At least you're willing to admit that solid facts won't change your mind, though. Nice.

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    4. Ginger, I did not approve the comment because it had obscenities that I did not want in my comments. If you had chosen different words I would have posted. I do not think that homosexuals are "icky." Like a lot of Americans I have a relative that is homosexual. She would spend weeks with my family and I came to love her dearly. So please do not assume that I have personal feelings against homosexuals, that is very offensive and ignorant.
      The quote you used is in reference to state and church. I believe that I have the right think and (act) vote based on my beliefs, but state officials are acting on the part of the people. They should make legislation based on the good of society, not on their personal beliefs. As far as facts are concerned, there are so many facts supporting both sides of same-sex marriage. Facts can be misleading, as we can see from the presidential debate. Both parties use them to deceive and use to their advantage.
      I think it is nearly impossible to try and discern which side is correct based on facts.
      As I said in a previous comment, we could debate this all night long. I think an important point to remember when defending acceptance, respect, and equality is that those qualities should be upheld in all aspects of life. Especially when discussing your beliefs with another person.

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    5. "I think it is nearly impossible to try and discern which side is correct based on facts."

      This is the single most perplexing thing I have ever read before...

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  8. Mike, making decisions based on facts is essential. however, this quote is being used out of context. I was referring to my opinion that people manipulate statistics and facts to their advantage, and on both sides of the debate.

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  9. Jessica, I think it's great that you were willing to share your opinion on this topic. I think it's important that everybody's opinion (for or against) is voiced. It helps us become more aware of different points of view. Go you! I don't know if I would be brave enough to post on this topic... I think you presented your opinion in a clear, non-judgemental way. :)

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  10. Josette, and thank you for being so respectful! I knew I would get a lot of criticism for posting this, and I debated it, but I felt that I have just as much right to voice my opinion as anyone else. I really appreciate it when people can carry out discussions and help each other view their opinions in a productive way. I feel like I'm surrounded by people with similar conservative views and I don't get a good idea of what other people think, and that's partly why I even started this whole discussion. All in all I learned a lot :) thank you again!

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