The "S" Family

I haven't had very much experience with toddlers and families, so this was definitely an adventure! I'm so happy that I had the opportunity, though, because I learned a lot.
The photoshoot actually went really well (at least I thought so) and the little girls are amazingly photogenic, as you can see :)

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Undergrad and Blog Update

I love my family

Hey everyone! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about school, family, etc. and realized that I graduate in December and I only have two more semesters of classes, crazy! I was also thinking about all the things I have learned in my family classes and wishing that I could share it with everyone that I know...

For those of you who don't know, I am studying Family Life with an emphasis in Family Studies. Most people respond to this as "Oh, the M.R.S Degree." Hahaha I haven't heard that one before...

Is the Family Life major a desperate call for marraige? No. Do my required classes include sewing, cooking, pottery, etc? No. Is it easy? NO!

There are a lot of elective courses that have to do with sewing, cooking, etc. but they are electives and anyone can take them, you don't have to be an SFL major.

What can you do with a degree in Family Life?

1. Go to grad school
2. Write pointless blogs

There really aren't a lot of high-paying jobs in the world that require a BS in Family Life. It is an extremely useful degree, but sadly sometimes the most influential skills are the least valued in terms of money.

My plans? Work/volunteer with non-profit organizations that help families to create healthier relationships and better home environments.

When I graduate I can also teach parenting/marriage classes in the community. There are lots of opportunities to use my degree, just not a lot of high-paying ones.

One way that I would like to use my degree to make a difference in families by sharing useful information on this blog. The internet, books, and family members offer lots of advice and information on how to parent, but what is fact and what is fiction?

On this blog I will be sharing some facts and principles that I learn in my classes, and maybe even debunk a few parenting myths along the way. You are welcome to accept them and apply them as you want/need. There is a lot of controversy about how to properly raise children, and so I am simply going to state facts and universally applicable techniques that are taught in my classes, but for the most part it all depends on the parent and child. For example, when asked how he parented his children, my professor simply said,

"I have as many parenting methods as I have children."

Parenting takes a lot of observing and a whole lot of flexibility. What works for one parent/child, may not work for another.

FYI: Family Life Educators are the fence at the top of the hill (prevention), and therapists are the ambulance at the bottom; I can give principles and ideas to help strengthen relationships, but I do not have the knowledge, experience, or authority to repair damaged family relationships. So, if you have any problems or concerns with issues regarding your family, please consult a certified therapist.

I am so passionate about the family, it's role in society, and it's role in our development as human beings. This is my way of making the world a better place, and helping parents and children build stronger, healthier bonds.

Next Blog Post: How to Train Your Dragon Baby

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Adolescents and Teens: Raising Righteous Children in a Wicked World

Some of you parents out there may have dealt with teens in the past, and yet there are many that will soon face the monstrosity that is called adolescence.
For those of you who have survived teenagers and did it well, you deserve a medal of honor for bravery and perseverance. And for those who are anxiously awaiting social suicide here are some highlights from a very well-written article that may help put your worries at ease.

This article was first published in BYU Magazine by two very experienced professors, and then again in the Ensign. I enjoyed it thoroughly and it helped me realize that teenagers are not children and they are not yet adults. Because teenagers are in a unique stage in their lives the disciplinary methods and parent-child relationships are going  to be different than in childhood. Here are some highlights from the article that are very helpful:

• Brent L. Top and Bruce A. Chadwick conducted a study of 4,000 LDS youth around the U.S. to see if "ecology" (environment) really does affect teen's religiosity. They found no significant difference in delinquency between East coast, West coast, and Utah Valley teens.
• What does affect teen delinquency are peers, religiosity, and family
   
• Peers
• What parents do to help children manage peer influences
• Encourage teens to participate in a good groups, organizations and activities.
• Make the home available as a place to hang out.
• Make teenagers' friends feel welcome in the home.
• Choose a neighborhood with reputable schools and low rates of delinquency
• Develop friendships with families whose children would be good friends for your own.
• Teach friendship skills
• Set family rules and boundaries.
• Religiosity
• Religious values, beliefs, and experiences are directly related to the avoidance of delinquency.
• Private religiosity was the strongest predictor of delinquency among LDS teens: those youth who have internalized the gospel avoid delinquency to a greater extent than those youth who have not.
• Other contributors are social integration (being accepted by members of ward) and public practices (church attendance). But the key to deterring delinquency is private religiosity. 
• In the study it was discovered that private religious practices and spiritual experiences were more influential in deterring delinquency than public practices. 
• Thus, parents should be an example (personal prayers, personal scripture study, etc)
• Hold family prayer, scripture study, and FHE regularly. 
• As a side note, my parents would hold scripture study and prayer every night despite who was there. Even if one sibling was missing we still read and prayed without them. Eventually it was such a habit that even when our parents were on a date we kids would have SS and prayer because it was a habit.
• Parents should not try to solve all problems or attempt to answer all questions. Rather, encourage teens to pray to Heavenly Father about their concerns or needs. It will mean more to them to find answer to gospel questions through their own searching than from parental teaching (encourage personal revelation).
• Family Influence
• Surprisingly, the effects are indirect. Meaning that family influence underlies both peer influence and religiosity. 
• To make it easier to understand: Family affects spirituality, spirituality affects peer choice, and peer choice affects delinquency.
• Although it is indirect, when it comes to giving LDS teens the strength to resist temptations, the family matters.
• What parents can do to foster family connectedness
• Spend one-one-one time with teenagers.
• Express love to teenage children.
• Spend time together as a family.
• Be liberal with praise.
• Be generous with forgiveness.
• What parents can do to foster family regulation
• Establish family rules.
• Assign all family members household chores.
• Enforce rules.
• Show increased love following reprimand.
• Monitor teenagers' behavior 
• What parents can do to foster intellectual autonomy
• Encourage teenagers to share their feelings, opinions, hopes, and desires.
• Express acceptance of teenagers' attitudes, opinions, or feelings even if you disagree with them.
• Help teenagers to explore the source of attitudes or feelings and their long- and short-term consequences. 
• Allow teenagers the opportunity to be their ow person of worth.
• Do not use withdrawal of love or induction of guilt to change teen's opinions, feelings or ideas. 
• Many teens in the study suggested that parents be more liberal with genuine praise and forgiveness.
• Teens also asked that as parents set rules and regulate them. A suggestion from other professionals is to teach the principles before and then include the teenager in setting rules. They will be more likely to accept the consequences and less likely to complain when they make a mistake.
• Psychological Autonomy
• In my child development class I learned that teenagers go through a stage of autonomy, almost like toddlers. They want to make their own choices, and if they feel forced into making a choice that they know is right, they may even make the opposite choice just to exercise their agency and feel independent. 
• Patience, long-suffering, and helping the youth explore the idea and its consequences are much more effective than shooting down their idea or telling them they they are making a wrong choice. Subtle guidance ad gentle persuasion will generally help a young person develop opinions, ideas and attitudes consistent with gospel principles. 

Well, that's the summary of the article. I hope that you have learned something new and that you will feel more confident in parenting teenagers. I know I may not be a parent yet, but it wasn't too long ago that I was a teenager myself. I have to say that my parents practiced most of the principles listed above and I truly believe it kept me from being a rebellious teenager. I am grateful for their consistency in teaching my correct principles and their faith in letting me make my own choices.

Sources:
Raising Righteous Children in a Wicked World-BYU Magazine

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Family Stuff

Hey Ya'll!
This week wasn't too crazy. Just got back into school and we're getting ready for finals next week and then our honeymoon/vacation starting on Friday the 16th. Aaron took me to "Christmas Around the World" and I LOVED it! Isn't he just the sweetest man? He is always willing to go to my artsy stuff even if he doesn't enjoy it. He says he enjoys it because I do :)
On Saturday I worked from 7am-10am at Old Navy. Seriously, who buys clothes at 7am on Saturday? NO ONE! The rest of the day Aaron and I went grocery shopping and then he had a visit from a Detroitian and they played games while I visited my dear friend Lindsay Bills. On Sunday we went caroling to the Beehive Care Center and it was such a neat experience! I made friends with Larry, Doreen and Sarah. Aaron made friends with a man who turned out to be our Sunday School teacher's dad! What a small world. If you haven't taken the time to visit a rest home, you definitely should! The people there are so lonely and crave visitors. We had a great time making their day :)

A couple weeks ago I wrote a paper for my Parenting and Child Guidance class about how I plan to incorporate the principles I have learned into my future parenting. I loved writing this paper (probably because I don't have kids yet) and I thought that it would be neat to share some of the most important principles I learn! In case it wasn't obvious, my major is Family Life with a Family Studies emphasis. I am taking the extra classes to become a Certified Family Life Educator and sharing the knowledge I learn is not only something I love to do (as Aaron can attest to) but it is an important part of prevention. What do I mean by that? Well, it is a lot cheaper, easier, and less stressful to prevent problems than to solve them. Educators are the fence at the top of the hill while therapist are the ambulance at the bottom...

Blogging about appropriate parenting practices, how to achieve positive family relationships, and how to address issues that are common in our generation is how I can make a small difference in how people see their families. Aaron and I have had discussions about the challenges that face our generation in marriage and family. The challenges are so different than what they were in our grandparents--and even our parents--generations. There are thousands of parenting books that conflict with each other, making it almost impossible for parents to know if they are ruining their child for life or creating the perfect human being. There are also many seasoned parents that are constantly giving "foolproof" advice that guarantees all your children serving missions and being sealed in the temple (they might even be stake presidents). So what is right? What is wrong? What if the parents of those gospel-abiding children were simply given "easy" spirits? These are the questions that were plaguing me as I began to realize that I would be raising children someday. They are also part of the reason I made Family Life my major.
The principles and guidelines that I will be posting to this blog are not meant to evoke contention, but to educate. Knowledge is power! If you have a differing viewpoint that is fine, everyone has differing opinions and viewpoints; that's what makes us unique and also able to improve. However, remember that I will only post information that is from BYU curriculum, studies, etc. If you do not agree with the results of the studies or do not believe that it is correct, please refer your comments to the author or administrator of the study. They will be more able to give you information regarding their research and opinions.

I hope you enjoy the future posts. If you have questions about resources and/or books that are mentioned, I will be posting a resource list of books that are approved by the BYU Family Life division.

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A Texan Thanksgiving

Well, since most of the readers are Aaron's family, this may be redundant. But for everyone else, here is a recap of our Thanksgiving.

Wednesday the whole family took turns going to the San Antonio temple to do sealings. It was a very bonding experience and really made me grateful for family and the gospel. After the temple Grandpa Dave took everyone to Sea World!!! This was a hit among young and old alike. Personally, I think Aaron was the biggest fan; he was running around like a little kid (it was really cute) wanting to see everything and making plans to attack almost every attraction at the park. We got to pet sting rays (they love to be petted, who woulda thunk?), then we saw Shamu and company do a Christmas performance. After that we went on roller coasters and saw some more shows. I think everyone's favorite show was the seal/otter/walrus Christmas play. After the kids were asleep a group of adults played Mille Borne. Honestly, I was terrified since I heard a rumor going around that Aaron's siblings had made wagers on who could make me cry during Mille Borne. It was actually really fun, and even though Team Ben &Whitney dominated in the end, Aaron and I held our own throughout the game.  

The seal/otter Christmas play

As you can see, the kids LOVED Sea World

Thursday- Happy Thanksgiving! The Thanksgiving gods blessed us with a broken element in the oven. So, we were forced to get our creative juices flowing to find a way to cook a turkey. After that fiasco most everyone went to walk in the annual Turkey Trot (it was such a beautiful day!). Aaron and I created a treasure hunt for the little kids which ended up being a hilarious incarnation of "Kids Say the Darndest Things." After a delicious dinner we had a visit with Aaron's aunt and uncle and played Killer Bunnies.

 

After the Turkey Trot

Whitney and Stella

  Friday was the Alamo day! We mostly relaxed and explored downtown San Antonio. We went to Market Square and had some of the best Mexican food I have ever had. Aaron and I bought a sombrero for our Christmas tree and a tiny little nativity carved out of granite (I think...).  When we finally got home (the traffic was HORRIBLE) everyone just relaxed and ate (more) food.  

  

Saturday-Aaron is not feeling his best, but we are flying home tonight and hopefully he will be better by Monday! We walked around downtown San Antonio today, but we stayed on the Riverwalk which is now my new favorite place :) After getting home Aaron took a bath and went straight to bed. I stayed up a little longer and when I was crawling into bed Aaron said "What's your number?" I thought he was just being silly so I gave him some random numbers. As I was giving him the numbers he was poking my belly like a telephone and then said, "I, I... I can't do it. You'll have to dial the number." I asked why I was dialing a number and he replied "To have a normal life." I'm not sure what he was dreaming about, but my guess is that it involved a belly phone.

Click HERE to see the rest of the pictures

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